I am good enough, but I can and will be better. I respect myself and the work I do. I make a living with my writing. I don’t accept bullshit and disrespectful behavior in any way, shape, or form. I don’t consume my time (and the time of others) with irrational or negative thoughts and actions. I reduce the waste I make — I am more radical. No more buying into consumerism. No more buying what I do not need. I make a positive difference and help change lives for the best. I enjoy the little moments and focus on what (and who) really matters. I love (myself and other beings) more — and I will say it and show it.
One step at a time.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I can do this.
This is my mantra for 2019 and going forward.
What is yours?
2018 was a strange year for me. In many ways, it was a great and delightful year; in others, it sucked. At the beginning of the year I was doing a job I wasn’t terribly happy about and which, although it brought some money in to pay bills and helped me save to afford the proofread of my debut novel in 2017, it also ate at my creativity and self-esteem on a regular basis and caused me a great amount of anxiety (in which I did not believe before). Then, I finally left that job. I have taken chances and began freelancing, and also spontaneously photographing strangers on the streets (normally way out of my comfort zone). I have been through a lot of stress while freelancing, but doing that made me connect with people I never would have otherwise. I have met lots of musicians, writers, painters, actors, business owners, couples, and cool people in general.
Dark thoughts than ever before have gone through my head in 2018, but somehow I pulled through. It was thanks to the writing projects that were waiting for me to work on and finish, and the friends I had made in the writing community, which with their advice and kindness helped me tremendously. But it was mostly thanks to my partner, who continued to make me delicious sandwiches and take me to brief seaside trips in order to refresh after spending sleepless nights obsessing about my (unfinished) books and irrational thoughts I sometimes had.
In terms of writing, publishing and marketing, because in 2018 I focused a lot on my photography and freelancing, by the end of the year I only managed to be more active on my youtube channel, and to bring out one finished book — Toucher Velours — the French translation of my debut novel, on which friend and translator Nicolas Bellanger worked on for little over a year. I sorted out the cover and the interior design (and few other bits and pieces) and published it. Here’s the ebook cover for it. It’s available both in digital and print format, and I kindly ask you to read it and review it. I also succeeded in making my debut novel available in print all over in Europe (the English print version had been banned previously in Germany, Austria and Australia, causing it to be banned in the entire EU— reason still unknown — but the ebook was fine at all times, everywhere). It only took me about a year to get that sorted out, but I did it (of course, I wasn't on it at all times, I was doing other things as well).
As you may know by now, I’m an independent author and every little kind of support matters immensely, so 'Thank you!' for those of you that have bought and reviewed my books, and supported me so far.
In November of 2018, I moved from Canterbury (the south-east of the UK) to Manchester (the north of the UK). It was in the same time period when I decided to write more short stories for kids. In a few weeks, I had written and polished 4 stories. That brought me a lot of joy. But one big project I started at the end of July 2018 and had high hopes for — a non-fiction book for writers — was not ready to be published. Simple Ways had to wait. It was still only a draft which needed a lot of work, and that was disappointing because I had hoped to have it published by Christmas, and I felt that I had let down my contributing authors who wrote me lovely letters for it and to whom I wanted to send print copies as presents, and as a way to say ‘Thank you!’. Not meeting that goal felt awful, but it might have been for the best. The finished book will be stronger than it would have been weeks ago.
The last few weeks of 2018 were particularly heartbreaking as I have gradually found out about the passing of three people in my life: my uncle Constantin, my screenwriting teacher from university, Goran Stefanovski), and my cousin Cristina (who was only 34 and with a little daughter). I will never meet them again and this realisation hit hard.
The end of the year found me with heartbreak and joy — a wicked and painful combination. But life moves on, no matter who we are and what we do, so I thought I might as well carry on and try to bring joy into the world while also attempting to make a better living with my writing. I was ready for 2018 to end, and for the new year to show his face.
2019 began pretty nice. I had spent new year’s with friends, cooking and having healthy food, and wearing comfortable shoes (which is always a plus). In the first week of the year, I had interviewed one of my favorite authors of all time — Felix Blackwell. You can watch the video here. I had to split it into three parts because Felix was so gracious with his time and we spoke about books, real experiences, writing and publishing for about 1 hour and 30 min! Sounds like a long time, but the minutes rushed by like you wouldn’t believe. I didn’t want it to end. His novel In The Devil’s Dreams is a great piece of writing and a brilliant example of indie publishing. I highly recommend you reading and reviewing it — especially if you're into dreams and nightmares. It’s an unforgettable book.
At the beginning of the year, I also began working with an illustrator for one of my children’s stories (and maybe more in the months and years to come). She made me cry happy tears when we first spoke about the story I wrote, and when she showed me the sketches she had made, a few days later. I had been looking for an artist to work with for several weeks and I finally found the right one. There are many talented people in this world, but I was looking for an artist with something more than just talent and the wish to get paid for a job — I wanted someone emotionally invested in making what I wrote come true as a wonderful picture book. The story we are working on is deeply personal because it’s about someone I knew. Although the genesis of the story is sad, I think ultimately it will bring a lot of joy to many of us. It is a story which I think many readers will connect with. But most of all, it’s a story that must be given the power to fly into the world, the hands and minds of (young) readers. It’s a story I love, and I will share it with you when the time comes.
Following in the steps of J.D. Estrada (whose most recent book Given to Fly touched my soul), I decided to publicly write about my mantra and my goals for this year. Some say if you make your plans known, they might fall apart. Others say they will come true. I guess we’ll see what will happen and what I can make happen by the end of the year.
Here’s my list of goals for 2019:
1. Simple Ways to Write, Publish, Market A Debut Novel (+Intimate Testimonials from Published Authors) — published non-fiction (and self-help) book
2. Pash and The Blue Bicycle — published (English and Romanian translation)
3. Arthur, The Frightened Bunny — published (English and Romanian translation)
4. Mirabella and The Kingdom of Trees — published (English and Romanian translation)
5. Mr. Puff, Mr. Grumpy and The Edible Garden — published (English and Romanian translation)
(For 2, 3, 4, 5 — the children’s picture books — do bundle as well. Also French/ Portuguese/ Ukrainian translation for some of them, if not for all. Btw, these picture books will change lives.)
6. Tender is The Rain (psychological novel) — first finished draft
7. Midnight Tears (novel) — draft
8. On Love: Fleeting Moments (spontaneous photography book) — draft
9. Make more money from writing and publishing books (to save for building a yurt/dome and planting a food forest)
10. Go hiking and camping / Cook healthier (vegetarian) food more often / Photograph strangers / Write more short stories for kids (even a middle-grade book) / Read and observe more / Do random acts of kindness / Send messages to you — you’re awesome btw).
11. Do more video interviews with authors from all kinds of fields (but especially writers)
12. Be patient and positive.
13. Experiment with Reddit — post writing extracts on there and see how the avid readers react (and contribute in the writing community as well)
14. Write and publish a collection of short horror stories
15. Collect various seeds to plant in the future food forest (and look for the right place). Hug trees. Walk barefoot on the grass. Make my own things (perfume/ paintings — something).
16. Carry on — one step at a time.
These are my goals. Have you thought about yours? Have you made a list and a mantra to empower yourself — to become better?
While my creative and food forest retreat is not a goal come true yet, I’m closer to achieving it than before.
Here’s to meeting more kindhearted and ingenious people, and to accomplishing all these goals in the months and years to come.
One step at a time.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I can do this.
And so can you.
Until next time, stay safe, be kind and create!
Lily B. (aka Crina-Ludmila Cristea)
ps: In April 2018 I saw a bear in the wilderness. That was an incredible (and slightly frightening) moment. Yes, I do have proof (it's in one of my youtube videos about photographing strangers on the street). ;)