WARNING: Some language not suitable for children will follow.
What did J. K. Rowling do wrong? That is a burning question, indeed. Do you know the answer? I believe I do.
We live in a society in which people jump to read negative titles, and those promoting positive things barely get a few clicks or views. It's a depressing and sobering reality.
We live in a society in which it seems it's becoming increasingly hard to speak one's mind (even when the person comes with hard arguments to support their case) without being attacked, without being labeled, without receiving death threats and the sort.
I value free speech and sometimes I want to slap someone with it because clearly, some people have no idea what they are talking about, or how to use it to make the world a better place, but instead, they use it to sow and spread havoc. I abstain, however, because violence solves nothing — it only creates more damage.
It took me a couple of minutes to go on twitter and read a few comments — attacks really — directed at J. K. Rowling. I was trying to understand why so many articles were showing up and portraying her so negatively lately. I know some media platforms usually like to blow it out of proportions because clickbait titles sell, but the articles were appearing so often and they were increasingly accusatory and vilifying that I decided to read some because I want to stay informed (and I was also getting increasingly pissed off). I am an author and I want to know what others in my field are doing, especially those whose work I like and have found inspiring. It helps me be better and improve, both as a writer and as a human being, or at least I like to think that it has been helpful doing that so far.
People like to be associated with J. K. Rowling when it benefits them, but few stand for what is right, in my opinion. I know, it's difficult to face the stigma of being against the crowd and not doing what everyone does, even if those masses are doing the wrong thing. You want to fit in, you want to be liked. Many want to appear they are supportive of others and viewing everyone as equal. We are all the same and we should all be treated the same. What a bunch of bullshit. Don't get me wrong, we should all be treated equally. Current social circumstances have proven again that we are not all treated equally though. I refer here to the recent case of George Floyd — please look into it, if you've been living in a cave and you have not heard of it yet (no disrespect — sometimes it feels great to be isolated, away from 'civilization'). I wrote two blog posts about the subject, please go read them, or listen to them on my YouTube channel, whatever suits you best.
Racial discrimination aside, for the time being, let's please discuss gender discrimination and sexual issues. I'm no expert, but even I know that men and women are treated differently, depending on the circumstances. All beings are treated differently. It's just the reality. You may accept this or not, but it's the truth. We all judge, to a lesser or higher degree. No law will ever stop that because it is part of who we are. There should be laws in place to prevent individuals from being hurt, and there are, and constantly being worked on and improved (or not). But don't ever, not even for a second, fool yourself into thinking that having a law in place will stop judgments coming. I think more people should be aware and awaken to this to be more resilient. There will always be people who will have something negative to say about you, or me, and there will always be others to say something positive. There is also someone very important to take into consideration and that person is yourself. No matter if someone has something good to say about you or not, the only person you should ultimately listen to is you. If you don't like being hurt, maybe try not to hurt others, no matter who they are. That should be the general rule, the direction to guide one after, in my opinion.
Back to the matter at hand.
Don't tell me you treat your best (male or female) friend, whom perhaps you've known since kindergarten, in the same way you treat a stranger on the street, or even better of an example, a person you dislike. Don't tell me you jump into the arms of a stranger at night expecting warm hugs. Don't tell me you treat the feelings of your best friend in the same way you treat those of a random waitress, or bartender, f ex. I don't. You don't either (if you do, my apologies, you're a wonderful person). Now, again, please don't get me wrong. I didn't say you, or I, have no empathy for another human being if we dislike them, or don't know them well, whatever the reason. I am simply referring to the fact that we don't feel as strongly safe around a stranger, compared to someone familiar to us whom we care about. We may treat them respectfully, but we wouldn't open up to them as much (not in general, anyway), and we wouldn't necessarily put our lives in their hands. Not really. We don't know them, so it's natural we don't feel 100% safe, it's a self-preservation instinct which kicks in, I believe. They may have good intentions, but we have no way of knowing that for sure until we see those people in action. And I would want to be first protected before being into a situation from which I may not easily get out. In simpler words, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
So how, may I ask, could we be expected to easily accept to use same-sex facilities with someone who looks different than our sex? Would you feel comfortable to be alone and sharing a bathroom, a spa, a jacuzzi, with an unknown person of the opposite sex (and I'm not referring here to kinky scenarios at all) just because that person claims they feel of the same sex as you are and they have a legal certificate to prove that? I wouldn't. Now, before you throw poisoned words at me and others who may feel as I do, please analyze the situation better and what I am referring to. I am not saying trans people shouldn't be allowed to live as they please. I am all for allowing people — every one — to live their life to the fullest, as long as they and their actions don't hurt others. Seems pretty reasonable to me, right? In the same way you wouldn't want murderers having a good time and access to what makes them feel good just because that's what makes them feel good, I'd expect you wouldn't want a sexual predator having easy access to vulnerable people or people who might end up being in vulnerable positions.
By saying that I don't mean trans people are predators (and please, don't even try to twist my words!). I mean instead that there are people who are predators who will take advantage of trans people's rights and use them to harm others (including people in the transexual community). They might not be many, but they are out there, so why make their hunt easy?
Maybe, if you haven't experienced abuse, physical and/or sexual, you can't easily put yourself in the shoes of someone who had.
It's one thing to see a man take his penis out in a fiction film (or even a documentary) and abuse someone, and another to have a man in front of you in real life doing that.
Sick people are walking the streets and some have not had the bad luck of running into one of them and don't understand how horribly it can affect someone to experience something like that.
I understand certain laws could make things hard for some individuals, and I feel sorry because of that, but we have all been born in a particular way, with distinct attachments that force us, at times, to deal with unpleasant things. It is what it is.
I read somewhere that not allowing a trans person to enter a bathroom dedicated to a single-sex is like not allowing a black person to enter a bathroom because of fear that they might harm someone. That, in my opinion, is so racist and wrong. How can someone claim somebody with a particular skin color could harm someone for that sole reason? I disagree completely. However, a person with a penis could harm a woman because, guess what, a penis can indeed enter and force itself onto someone's body. A skin color can't do that and it's so insensitive to claim so.
It's easy to say, 'Trans women are women. Trans men are men,' or
'Trans people are who they say they are and deserve to live their lives without being constantly questioned or told they aren't who they say they are.'
I agree to a certain degree with the second statement (made by Emma Watson). I think people who make that kind of statement are well intended and want to be inclusive. But I also find them a bit naive and assuming we live in a perfect world, which we aren't, unfortunately.
Sometimes, things are not so plain simple. Trans women and trans men might be women, respectively men. I think that if some feel that way, it's their right to feel and live their life that way, and nobody should ever punish those individuals. Just like you and I wouldn't want to be forced to love someone else, or live in a body we don't feel comfortable, or not be allowed to read or eat or breathe, I wouldn't want someone else's rights and feelings to be disregarded and/or dismissed. I wouldn't want anyone to have to experience pain. But people do all the time. Some willingly, others — many — unwillingly.
I don't want to sound insensitive, but ask yourself one question: what would you do if you felt you were living in the wrong body, but there were no hormone treatments or surgery options? Would you not still live your life in the body you were given? We were born in a certain body and while some feel they are in the wrong one, there is always a choice there. It may hurt to hear that, but it's a fact. Some people chose to be on the outside who they feel they are inside, even if that contradicts their biological physical traits, and that comes with consequences. I'm not saying someone who feels that way shouldn't be entitled to that choice, I'm only saying that choices have consequences, no matter what we do. Some might say they feel they don't have a choice in choosing their sex and gender, and that may be true, but I also think we all have male and female traits within us and we can always choose which ones to act upon more, and we might act on both of them, at different times in our lives. I don't think who we truly are is our sex. Sex is a part of who we are and maybe shapes our path in life, but we are who we are, we are what we feed and that is something nobody can take away from us. We are the masters of our own life.
I also think it's undervaluing trans women/trans men to say there is no difference between them and biological women/men. That is not giving them credit for all the struggles they had to go through to physically change and become who they really feel they are. The term trans wouldn't exist if there was no difference. Also, please consider when you say that J. K. Rowling doesn't care about who she hurts with her opinion and how much damage she's doing. Do YOU think about who you're hurting when you say the things you do? If the answer is yes, then how could you not agree with what she says about biological sex and the right to use single-sex spaces, especially for women (men too, because they are abused as well, but especially women because abuse towards women is much higher)?
What J. K. Rowling clearly explained and arguments in her essay (J.K. Rowling Writes about Her Reasons for Speaking out on Sex and Gender Issues), which I fully read and strongly agree with and respect, was that SHE IS NOT OK WITH A LAW WHICH WOULD GIVE FREE HAND TO ANY MAN WHO CLAIMS IS A WOMAN, or vice versa, without taking hormones or having a sex change done, TO BE EASILY ACCEPTED AS SUCH. I don't think that is ok. I am sorry if you feel disrespected by my words, or if you think I'm hurting your feelings in any way — that is not my intention. But I simply can't accept that. Can you imagine, just for a few moments at least, how easy it would be for someone to enter a space and abuse someone because of that advantage? Can you also imagine how a person who was abused would feel if that chance was given to everyone? How insecure and unsafe so many of us would feel? As if there isn't enough violence on the streets, in homes, everywhere. Do we have to watch ourselves even when we go to the loo? I mean, of course we have to, but do we have to be in an anxiety state, fear-stricken?
If you haven't been abused, or experienced some form of abuse, in one way or another, but especially sexual abuse, you don't know what it means and how exactly it feels, no matter how hard you may try to imagine it. I'm sorry, but it is the truth, in my opinion anyway, and so far I'm still entitled to my opinion.
I find it disgusting that a person like J. K. Rowling can't express her opinion on a matter like that without being called a bitch, without receiving death threats, without her books — basically her work and legacy — being questioned, and, most importantly, threatened to be destroyed.
When people like J. K. Rowling stand for what is right and do so many things to help those vulnerable and in pain, and they are attacked in most vicious ways, how can we build a better world? How can we be safe?
She didn't say transmen are not men, or transwomen are not women. She said she doesn't want ANY MAN WHO CLAIMS IS A WOMAN TO BE SO EASILY ACCEPTED AS ONE. That is what I understood from her essay, and I ask to be corrected by her if I misunderstood what she meant. But I believe I understand her perfectly.
We live in a world in which is enough for someone to say something bad about another person and almost destroy that individual's reputation — please see the case of Johnny Depp who has been trying to fix his image for years because of things Amber Heard said (and some still think he is a violent person and probably always will because some people are so easily manipulated).
Yes, J. K. Rowling took an issue with the words 'People who menstruate'. They hit a nerve. Could she have handled that better in that instant? Maybe. But I think some forget she is not only a wonderful author, she is also human. She has clearly explained in her essay the reasons behind her reaction. And I am sorry for you, but if after reading her extensive essay you think she is a horrible human being, you do not deserve to read her books, although you would most benefit from reading them. You most certainly do not deserve further explanations from her because it appears you are not willing to listen, understand, and objectively assess the situation, you are wanting just to lash out at someone's throat.
We should educate and inform ourselves more before attacking someone and trying to destroy their life. We should look at what they say and their actions and analyze carefully before we judge them. We don't know what they've been through, but in some cases, we can see what they do and how they behave. And in all the times I have seen J. K. Rowling — only on the screen, unfortunately, I have not had the pleasure of meeting her — I have observed her behaving rationally and with a lot of empathy. She has helped tremendously already and she still wants to help. I can see that crystal clear, and I'm not even her biggest fan — I have other authors who come first before her, although she is very much, and rightfully so, among the top favorite authors of mine. She has a kind heart and she is respectful of other people's feelings. She is a positive force. She fights for good, despite being treated the way she is. And who doesn't see that is either blind or has bad intentions. It's easy to understand that. People have agendas, some are misguided, but in the end, we all have our hearts and minds and we should listen to them and take action after careful consideration.
Instead of fighting each other, we could find a solution to satisfy and work for both parties. Most people wouldn't want themselves to feel and be safe to the detriment of others. If we want our feelings to be respected, if we want all to be living in a safer and kinder world, we should all work together, not against. Surely, in that way, a better outcome would take form thanks to the combined thinking.
We can't make a better world by accepting only the people who think like us. We should also be opened to taking into account, understanding, and maybe even accepting contradictory opinions. That doesn't mean we have to agree with everyone, but it does mean we have to be considerate of other people's lives.
J. K. Rowling is a person who can stand up in a sea of weak and/or fake people and fight for what is right, and that is helping others in need. She clearly doesn't need the attention, and she has more money than she ever dreamt of having. If her books all stopped selling right now, she would still have more money than most of us ever will. Let's not accuse her she did something wrong when all she was doing was thinking about our safety. She genuinely wants to help. So let's let her help instead of putting fire, mental torture, and all sorts of other traps in her way. Let's help her do more good.
It pains me to see that these are the kinds of people who are being attacked, and not attacked only by random and unknown people to her, but also of those close to her who could be more understanding, those who have a good life because of their hard work, yes, but also because once upon a time J. K. Rowling wrote a story about a wizard boy on a train who saved millions of lives.
We should do well to remember who J. K. Rowling is and what she stands for. I stand with her and people like her and I am honored to do so. I fear the day when we won't be able to do that anymore. I hope that day never comes and that we all get to have our say and that our feelings are treated kindly and respectfully, even when we may not deserve the kindness.
Take care,
Crina-Ludmila Cristea.
PS: all the photos in this blog post were taken by me, in the summer of 2018, during PRIDE Festival, in Canterbury, Kent, UK.
