I believe it was Ernest Hemingway who said that "The first draft of anything is shit."
But it will get better.
I keep reminding myself that while writing the draft for my 2nd novel (currently titled Midnight Tears).
It's a joyfull process. It really is. No, seriously, it is. 😊😅
Yeah, sure, at times I get disheartened and think
"I have no idea what I'm doing",
"who the fuck am I to dare write another novel",
"isn't it crazy already that my first novel saw the light of day? isn't that enough already?",
"there's smart people out there writing and publishing much better stories than I am (and maybe ever will)",
"those people are intelligent and creative and sexy and they know how to socialise and entertain people", "I know nothing",
"who is ever going to read my weird, dark, erotic romance, mystery, thriller infused stories?",
"sleepless nights are so fun, specially when you have a day job to go to next morning and you've barely shut an eye (either because of writing crazy ideas down, or because of reading another novel by an author)".
And countless other negative 'fun' thoughts similar to those above.
But hey, I do like my sleepless nights if I get immersed in a captivating story.
If I fall in love with characters that make me feel like I know them, that make me feel like I belong. I love that feeling and I wouldn't trade it for a few more minutes of sleep. Nope, I simply wouldn't.
You know why? Because I love those people, those lives and stories I get to read about. To be.
Someone once said that if you don't read books you live one life but if you do enter the fascinating world of stories, you get to live a thousand more lives. Probably more than that, depending on how much of an avid reader you are.
I believe that.
You get to be so many people, to experience so many things.
And I want to do that to other people. To give them that feeling, that rush one gets when they know they have to go to sleep but still they turn the page and continue to read. Just one more page, just one more chapter. One more.
And yes, writing a novel is hard and easy at the same time. I would say it's like carrying a baby in your womb or like giving birth but I have never given birth to an actual baby so I don't dare say that because I don't want to piss off mothers who've been through that painful experience.
But it is in a way like that, i truly believe it is, especially when you've been writing that novel for more than 9 months, maybe even years and have no idea what to expect, what that joyfull experience will bring once the novel is published and out into the world to be judged.
Now that I think of that, writing the draft of my second novel doesn't seem that difficult because after all it's just me and the page and anything can happen. Anything.
But who am I kidding? It still feels like that in its early stage because there's many things to figure out and learn and accept. And anxiety and depression creeps in in moments like those.
So yes, Mr. Hemingway was right - "The first draft of anything is shit."
But it will get better. I believe that. I do. You know why? Because the first draft is also precious, it has potential. It's like fertilizer. Like dying leaves on the ground. They might be dying but not in vain. They're feeding the story, enriching it.
At least I'll have words on the page to work with and won't stare at an empty screen. What's that about anyway? An empty page or screen...that's crazy.
Until next time,
xxx
